During the process of looking through the profiles, both S and I found 2 kids that really took our interest (yes, that is as strange as it sounds). As mentioned in previous blogs, we had decided to read the profiles separately and then review them together so that we could get an objective read on what we both felt.
So when we came together and both looked excited about the profiles of these 2, we knew we may have stumbled onto something. I can not really tell you what attracted us to the profiles, it was as much a gut instinct as anything else, but if I was to say anything about how we felt when we saw the profiles, was that we could see them as part of our family.
MY TIP – Trust your gut and do not try to force profiles to fit your requirements. You may not get 100% matches (what is ever 100%?), but you should know when you find one that is right.
So we dutifully sent our request to the local authority expressing our interest in the children and then sat back and waited. For us this was a tough time, as some authorities come back quickly, some do not respond at all and some take weeks – so we had to try and park our enthusiasm for these 2 a little angels as best we could. (which if you know me, holding enthusiasm is tough :-))
So we just had to cross our fingers, toes and anything else that we have that was flexible enough cross (I did consider re-taking up yoga, but realised there are some sacrifices that I was not willing to make :-)).
Ok…., we could not really sit back and relax while we waited as we needed to continue reviewing profiles and respond the requests – we could not be certain that the authorities would also choose us.
MY TIP – Keep on reviewing the profiles, and you can not put all your eggs in one basket AND it will keep you busy while you wait….
After a couple of weeks of nervous waiting we were sent the children’s 2 CPRs, which showed much more detail on their back ground and families. These are 40 odd pages of information on each of the kids (see previous blog for more). S and I settled down with a cup of tea for S (and yes we had managed to re-stock since our social worker had last visited) and a cup of coffee for me. (White, with between zero and one sugar, depending on how tired I am feeling – in case you were asking and wanted to make me a cuppa :-))
While there was a lot of things that made us sad about the profile – the neglect, how they were treated, the implied and the explicit things that had happened. We spent a fair bit of time discussing the full profiles and what they meant in terms of our future family. It is a strange feeling looking so deep into the lives of people you have never met and seeing the good the bad and the down right ugly.
Both S and I did not feel there was anything in there that would make us think that we would not be able to help them over come their history, and in fact it made us feel even more excited (Although a few things about how they manifest their fear did give us pause).
Would we be able to cope? would we be strong enough? are we really the right people to give them the life they deserve? There is a lot of self questioning going on here, and in all reality, I am not sure how many answers I can give.
MY Tip: Expect self doubt, in fact embrace it – as if you think it is going to be easy, you might have a rude awakening – BUT do not expect to know all the answers – no-one does and remember, EVERY parent, birth or adopting, have massive doubts – it is (and you are) normal – well in my non professional opinion anyway.